MY NEW 2002 MERCURY GRAND MARQUIS

This Car Was Purchased on May 28, 2002

This baby is THE coolest car! It may not look like the absolute coolest car...after all, it's not a sports car. But it certainly IS the coolest car! What makes it sooo COOL??

First of all, it's NEW and it's MINE! Oh, other things? Of course it's got 'em.

Start with the double window visors so I don't have to decide whether to block the hot sun from the front or the side...With two visors for each front seat passenger, I can just block both directions at once.

I don't have to worry about the pedals being too far away, because they can come up two inches to meet me. This is not just the standard pedal travel--this is an option I chose...

Ever been sick of the floor mats sliding all over the place? No need to worry about that crap with THIS car--there's an anchor to hold them down!

There's all kinds of "Wow, they thought of everything! items on this car!!!" It's like they did surveys to find out what people thought was annoying, and then systematically eliminated the annoyances from this car. There's shading between the visors to block the sun. There's a way to open the trunk from the inside (convenient for idiot kids who shouldn't have been playing in there in the first place), there's a cargo net to keep your bag of cans from the grocery from rolling all over the place, there's cupholders built in next to the ashtray, you can disable the damn seat belt binger (although it does take a Lufia II-like sequence to do it), you can open the car multiple ways, (remote entry, keyed entry, numeric keyless entry...), there's automatic headlights that go on at dusk and off when it's bright enough...

and of course, there is POWER EVERYTHING! Power window, doorlocks, seats, lumbar support, fast-down driver's side window that's made that way, inside trunk opener, fuel door opener, remote trunk opener, car must be opened to open fuel door (an FU to gas theives)...

And, of course, it's got a real engine: a V8! None of this wimpy V6 or glorified-motorcycle 4-cylinder CRAP!

Automatic 4-speed transmission. Currently a standardly-programmed trans...but I have read of a cool trans chip which can make it shift like a total racecar...

Traction control will help it keep its footing on the wretched Michigan ice...AS IF I'm going to stay around here long enough to test that much...

Of course, like any Grand Marquis, it's got the Fuel Warning Light to let you know when you're getting low so you don't get stuck in the boondocks after cruising all night!

Also it meets the other major criterion I had when selecting a car: It's BIG. A TANK. Little ha-ha bubble-car tin cans will BOUNCE RIGHT OFF if they try to touch it! When you read that there was a collision and one driver was killed and the other one walked away unscratched--the one that walked probably had a Mercury Grand Marquis. Rated 5-stars for safety (and even got DOUBLE 5-stars from some place), this TANK is one of the best for safety in real-world driving.

Not only is its size good for safety, it's dreamily comfortable (which was really my point in seeking a big car. Those tin things are just horrid when it comes to comfort!)!!!

And, it doesn't have that awful, way-too-cute bubble-car look! The edges are slightly rounded but it's not some Playskool Pod on wheels like most of the 2002s!

And of course, when you roll up the windows the road noise disappears...

Possibly best of all, the purchase of this car is

UNTAINTED BY EMPLOYMENT!

Thank God for Commission Junction!

And other coolnesses that I've forgotten and I'm sure there's more to be discovered.

Here's the pic:

(Be patient, it's 324 KB)

 

What the weather is like where I AM:

What the weather is like where I OUGHT TO BE:

 

Here's a Gift Site. And no, it's not one of mine.